so that wasnt chicken after all
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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