We won't sleep together?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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