I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
