if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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