He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
