Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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