we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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