Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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