last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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