She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
