we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
