I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fuck appropriateness.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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