i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
