508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i barfeds in our rink
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
