why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
