were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
