is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
