i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
