May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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