I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
