Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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