I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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