Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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