Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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