she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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