THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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