I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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