there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
