You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
