If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
