I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
