He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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