Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my poor anus
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
