so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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