he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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