Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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