just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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