I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
