you would pick up someone in the library
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
