My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
