he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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