I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
where are my eyebrows?
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