I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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