anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it because I queefed?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
