It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
