You smell like stripper and shame
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
