someone threw a dead crab at me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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