the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
