It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
