look no pants
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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