How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
