Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
