I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
