what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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