Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
