Banned from zoo.
Again?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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