Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
