So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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