I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
