What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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