Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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