He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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