I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your penis caused this!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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