well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
