You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
