plz talk dirty to me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
