I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
