Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
