wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
