chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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