CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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