Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
