I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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