hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
