aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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