Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
