a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
