I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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