You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize