I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
